Rules of Conflict


The holidays are over and Valentine's Day is around the corner. This is a time of year when expectations are high. Of course, everyone's expectations are different. Ever notice that we only ever fight when our expectations don't match or aren't met?

If you are in a relationship, whether romantic, friendship or even business, you are going to fight ... that is unavoidable. The only choice you do have is HOW you fight. Will you do damage to the relationship or hurt yourself in the process?  Or can you manage conflict with some dignity and style? In order to fight properly you must follow some guiding principles. This will allow you to find real resolution. 

Rules of Conflict:

  1. Give up being right and looking good
  2. Give up your positions
  3. Attack the issue, not each other
  4. Empathize: try on each other's point of view
  5. Fight for a win-win scenario
  6. Teach with love, not with pain
  7. Look for and learn your lesson in the conflict
  8. Take a time-out
  9. Write out your points and present them at a time when you feel good
  10. Let it be okay

Don't try to tackle these all at once. Practice and integrate them into your communication one at a time. Master this list and it will transform your relationships!

Thomas Jones